My “Confused”, Individual Take On Division

This is an idea for a post that just came up from my nightly ritual of reading a book on my Kindle app. In the past week it has been Jeff Chang’s “Can’t Stop Won’t Stop: A History Of The Hip-Hop Generation”. Long story short, the biographical book mixes in general hip hop history with Black American history and the differences in values and social goals (from a progressive standpoint) in generations before the culture’s inception in the mainstream media and since up to the time the book was published.

But this isn’t a review on the book. It has however sparked a lot of my overly active state of mind (I’m #ActuallyAutistic after all, and doesn’t the stereotype say we all “overthink”?). The pandemic and the present Lockdown Generation (where before that referenced the nationwide safety protocol from school shootings, it is now a “new normal” safety protocol from a virus) has made a LOT of people overthink. Some in really good ways. Over here America is waking up more than it was in the previous three years where taking action, even in a covid crisis, is a mandatory daily task, not just for a brief period while the issue is on TV.

However, what has gotten worse and worse this year is the never-ending problem of division. It’s been a problem for a long time but I would be jinxing it if I said right now it has reached it’s peak. When you are in the house day in and day out, glued to your phone, most likely you are using some form of social media. It doesn’t just end with the Twitters, Facebooks, Instas etc. but also YouTube and the most frequent, links to articles on ur browser with the all too familiar click-bait fueled header. I have been guilty of falling victim many times just in the past month of getting all too many mixed, and occasionally triggering messages from stories based on my search history from A Caring Father Puts A Recording Device In His Daughter’s Hair Before She Goes To School Catching Her Verbally Abusive Teacher In The Act, all the way to profound statements about how capitalism and the “American Dream” is responsible for many of the problems the world faces today (to word it very general). I couldn’t identify with these views any more than I do. And I truly believe anyone who doesn’t is a cold-hearted part of the said problem.

But the fact I believe that is also a problem. You know what else is a problem? Feeling like you’re not allowed to think for yourself when it comes to views on the world. Everything I see and hear is “You’re not allowed to criticize the messages the media feeds people because Trump calls it Fake News and The Enemy Of The People, so you are basically agreeing with him automatically” along with “If you have a mental illness, you need to take your meds and stay out of politics because you’re crazy. Want proof? Look at Trump and Kanye.”

Bottom line, I view the public (and how they present themselves online or even in person) as having the same “black and white” point of view I have been criticized for naturally having (supposedly) since I was born. And why can’t one argue with that logic? Because it’s life or death. It’s “We continue to live and democracy perseveres by electing Biden or we all die unanimously by voting for Trump/someone more to the left than Biden/not voting at all. One or the other. No compromises.”

Shortly before 2018 and my own mental awakening which led to the birth of this blog in the first place, I was very depressed, isolated and was borderline misanthropic. This is only three years ago. At the height of all of this, many things I observed in American culture at the time was what many would consider those of a conspiracy theorist. But this mainly was around pop culture and not politics, even though Trump had just been elected. If someone was popular at the time, they were victims of the Illuminati. And because many talented rappers in the 90s aka the “golden era” talked about the “New World Order” taking form after the year 2000, that they must be right. Why? Because I don’t have any optimism or excitement for anything and have been losing that since becoming a pre-teen (when the 21st century first set off). I’m disconnected. And everybody else is connected to the present. So that must mean I’m the “last of a dying breed” who is real and everyone else is a robot who says “LOL” out loud instead of laughing, or smiles to be accepted in society, not because they’re happy. While authenticity was once celebrated in American culture when I was a kid, now it’s frowned upon. At least that’s how I saw things at that time.

As you can probably see, while writing all of this, it appears I lost all focus on what this post was supposed to be about. But I really don’t care. The disorganized, inconsistent  content of this post is not rambling as it’s me telling little bits of truth on where my mind goes and how quick and active it can get. If you take away anything from this very small scrapbook of my thoughts, that’s what it should be. Even if it none of it makes any sense except to myself.

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