So here’s the deal. Before I get into this post, I will clarify that there is going to be at least a 3rd Kanye post if not more, but my heart really isn’t in that at the moment. And to be honest, that’s partly what brought me to writing this here.
Everyone I have seen in the last couple years with a blog have had holiday themed posts toward the end of the year, reflections of the year around New Years Eve, and goals for the new year. I was one of the people doing this in 2018/2019 if you go back to my earlier posts. But truth be told, this fall, ever since moving, which is a great thing, don’t get me wrong….This fall, ever since moving, my mind has moved in so many directions lately and by the time December came up, everything relating to Christmas and a new decade on the way didn’t register with me. I tweeted something that many people seemed to agree with a couple weeks ago. While not being 100 percent serious of course, I said everyone should shut down simultaneously with the commercial aspect of the holiday season. Like, just stop it already. My reasoning for it was the stress it causes for families and the fact that everyone has to put on a fake smile lately whenever fun stuff is happening. Yes I realize that’s a generalization, but it isn’t based on nothing. I am in good company when I say nobody in 2019 is as happy as they used to be. And considering 2020 opened up with a potential war with Trump (on his own, whether he likes it or not) and Iran and a nightmarish, ongoing fire vastly spreading through a gigantic section of Australia, you can’t blame me for making said generalization.
For me personally, the numbness I felt toward the holidays last year into this year was not a result of depression, regardless of what my fall-2018 post about the holiday spirit said. So much has happened since then. Both externally and internally. Especially internally. Working really hard with my therapist on certain things has had a lot to do with that. Also the fact that I feel less alone now than I did for years, even when those past friends were actually in person vs today, emotions are not being held back. They just aren’t spewing out like they used to. I’m not satisfied with many things still. There are life-long goals that you have heard me rant about to no end. And I will never stop until they are met, for me and for many others. But lets just say I am more satisfied now than I used to be. I guess numb is not the right word to describe my attitude towards the holidays compared to the previous year. It might just be that I don’t feel the pressure anymore to do certain things in a certain time frame, at a frantic pace to make up for years of lost time. And that I’m pretty much done with “signs” and superstitions that I believed my whole life. I’m content with my OWN life at the moment, so if we’re strictly talking about me, being content and even happy is all that matters. Not what I’m doing to fit society’s norms.
While I admit to not actually clicking on and reading this article I found on my browser earlier, I do believe the header is very true these days. It said “Being Single In Your 30s Isn’t Bad Luck, It’s A Global Phenomenon”. And I’ll bet you the same applies to living with your parents for millennials, at least in comparison to the past. Not even millennials with a learning disability, a disability Period, or a chronic/mental illness etc. Just anyone. And that’s Okay. Now if all the job coaches and Aspergers assistance programs run by all non-Autistics only a few years ago saw this coming already, they probably would like to deny it, even to this day. But fuck ’em.
After writing this post, I have come to realize what this new decade really is now for me. Most of the 2010s was shit. And truth be told, my 2000s decade ended early in 2008 because of depression kicking in at the end of that year. So I’m treating this decade the same way middle-aged people use the term “30s the new 20” (yes Jay-Z I’m talking about you). The 2020s is my 2010s. And 2019 was not only the best year for me in the entire past decade, but if anything, that was my 2009. Plain and simple.