Moving But Never “Moving On” – Pt 1

It’s been another long while since I’ve posted on this blog. And there is a very simple reason for this. I have been going through a major transitional period. Not just with life, but mentally as well. Me and my family have officially moved to a very rural area of Massachusetts, which is a far cry from the semi-urban/suburban lifestyle I have grown up in since I was born. And the last house/apartment/duplex we have lived in was for almost exactly 19 years. When we moved there, I was only 12. Now I don’t even want to go into what my age is even though it can easily be found on my twitter page or other things like adding up 19 and 12 lol, but this move officially happened two weeks ago and some change. Before that, for two plus months, there have been non-stop, back-and-forth trips from our old house to our new house moving our stuff into it by ourselves in our small, single Ford Explorer. When I say non-stop, I literally mean three trips a day, nearly every day a week with me doing all of the carrying in and out of the trunk. And given how much I have been drifting apart from my parents, especially my dad, these trips were indeed intense.

But here’s the thing. This was and is all for something I have wanted for the longest time. In fact, shortly after starting this blog, I had brought up how I needed to live more independently. I remember even writing about that in here early on. But as time went by and we took the first step in having me apply for Social Security Benefits which I, out of pure luck, ended up getting approved for early this year, we started looking for houses that were bigger, more spacious and where I could have an entire floor to myself, like an apartment. All with my family actually saving more money as opposed to losing it because of the house location. And with all that, I would have my own income while doing the meaningful work I do that doesn’t qualify in society as “a job” because it doesn’t come with a paycheck. But anyway, the move happened and things have slowed down considerably. I am happier than I have been in a long-ass time, which is huge. And I have been uploading a LOT of self-made mixtapes at a much faster rate than ever before. Me and my therapist have been digging deeper and deeper in my triggers and flashbacks that come out of nowhere over little things other people would never suspect to be a problem. We have added on my bipolar symptoms along with my PTSD symptoms which combined have helped us make more sense out of how my mind spirals from time to time and what causes that to happen. Not to mention my autistic traits, specifically my photographic memory, which make my PTSD react much, much easier and quicker than someone who would not share these traits.

I am gonna elaborate on this a lot more in a second part of this post which will hopefully be published sooner than I expect it to be (I won’t jinx it). In the meantime, I have a link here to an episode of a podcast called “Ditch The Mask”, a mental health advocacy series hosted by an amazing person I connected with on twitter a few months ago. This episode is audio of her interviewing me about why mentally I have worn a mask for many years and what gave me the courage to finally remove it to the world. The video version of it will be uploaded to YouTube soon and the link for that will be included in my next post. Anyway, definitely give it a listen along with the other episodes in this important series…





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