Yesterday I had yet another very productive and insightful session with my therapist. It started out with me once again venting about how I am constantly stressing over being 30 instead of 20 and how depression has stole over a decade of my life. It then turned into her reassuring me that it was very discouraging for me and not at all helpful when people told me…
(a year ago when I first started talking about my plans in the next couple years while I’m still young to use my story and a platform of sorts to bring the very crucial issues regarding autism and mental health treatment or lack there of into the forefront of the general public, not just in my own circle)
…my goals were not realistic and that “I am putting too much pressure on myself”.
When she asked me one of the things I am also passionate about doing that I would want to use as a platform, I said above all, creating music. I also mentioned how my favorite hobby in the past year is using my production software to make mp3 mixes of existing songs (mostly from hip hop and r&b artists) and upload them onto Mixcloud. Recently my mixes have been getting a bigger audience and even showing up high on certain charts on the site (one I uploaded just a few days ago was already 8th on the “global soundtracks” chart yesterday).
While the thing she would like me to work on for the next session is to come up with ideas on how I would use my talents to create a platform to have a bigger impact (while not limiting myself due to the life-long influence of being told what’s realistic and what isn’t) she also encouraged me to use as a theme for one of my mixes one that tells my story through the use of hip hop songs. I have here in the link below something I uploaded yesterday which is just that. It is nearly 3 hours long (on Mixcloud, especially for me early on that’s pretty normal) with tons of songs that go in chronological order through the first 30 years I have been on this planet. The description in the Mixcloud link will detail what it is even further.
But let’s just say the overall mix starts off with a song about a rigid new-born and then quickly goes into songs I feel best identify with my elementary school experience. It then follows into those dark years where the songs get grittier and grittier.
Then half way into the mix roughly it switches up into celebratory songs which is about my positive success story in high school.
THEN more gritty songs (but more on the reflective/somber side and less on the angry side this time around) follow which detail my college years and post-college years where my depression took a toll and I was completely numb.
Then after you hear that section close out with Eminem’s song “Beautiful” the mix follows into the final chapter which is a few songs that, to me, best represent my hopes, aspirations and new outlook on things from 2018 up to now.