So last night I was going to post this, but I was incredibly stressed, again. This time it was over something I will talk about in another post. But here it is now, my overall reflection of 2018 for me. It was a life changing year honestly. I didn’t hate it. As crazy as it sounds, it was miles better than a good chunk of the 10 years before it. And I have to thank above all, the diminishing of my numb state of depression for that. It’s been one hell of a ride though. And I thought the best way to do this post about 2018 would be to do a list of the pros and cons of that dramatic change which holds the most meaning to that year for me. So here it goes…
I Broke Out Of The Numb State Of My Depression:
-I finally felt like my old self
-It led me to creating this blog
-It led me to be as outspoken and sure of myself as ever
-It led me to rejoining twitter with this account @MaddDawgDailey
-That twitter account led to me joining an amazing mental health community
-I was surrounded with people around the globe on twitter who understood me for who I am and could relate to what I’ve been through and how I feel. Bottom line: They are the most validating people I have known since I have no idea when.
-All of that led me to joining the MH Crisis Angels which made me not just a mental health advocate but has made me part of a group that I like to consider my second family where we talk to ppl in mental health crisis from all over the world. And just listen to what they have to say while helping them cope and feel more validated and listen to and understood.
-I joined the Mental Health Awareness Project which I will elaborate on at the end of this post.
-I acquired a brand new therapist who, just like the community on twitter, understood me for what I’ve gone through and has to be the first non-social-media person I have met with in person who from the very beginning understood my struggle 100 percent, validated how I felt and she didn’t even go through similar things in her own life which is amazing.
-I (for a few months) joined a small meet-up group for people on the high functioning part of the autism spectrum. We met up chatted for a few hours each month and all vented about our experiences. This gave me an even more specific outlet to express how I felt about my struggles without the fear of being judged or misunderstood.
-Because I was no longer numb, my emotions and pain affected me deeply last year where I could easily break down at the drop of a hat
–I lost a lot of trust for people in the professional Behavioral Health field, specifically my psychiatrist as we had a very up and down year and while she is on leave for the first few months of 2019, last year for us ended very much on a bittersweet note.
-Knowing from people that it was okay to feel the way I felt and I didn’t deserve what I went through made me resent the people from my past I still know today and feeling like they are against this new and REAL me that emerged in 2018.
-I was triggered and had constant flashbacks more than ever which led me to two successful, disclosed job interviews leading up to two failed jobs bc the toxic environment was too much to deal with and I could no longer deal with authority figures as I saw them as a threat, mainly because of flashbacks of abusive authority figures from my childhood that are no different than our current “president”
2019 will no doubt begin as a progression and continuation and how 2018 ended, that being continuing to work with the MH Crisis Angels while we continue to grow, and also since the Mental Health Awareness project has officially launched, as it was set to begin New Years Day of 2019 (which it has), I will be dedicated to coming up with daily mental health related questions on twitter for advocates or the general public to answer, along with posting specific blog posts following the monthly theme throughout the year.
What the rest of the year holds, I don’t know. But considering the major progress 2018 made that the completely uneventful 2017 could never dream of doing, this year can only expand on it and then some.
I also highly encourage you to check out this blog which is run and is all about the MH Crisis Angels.
Here’s the link below…
Hoping everyone a safe and amazing 2019.