There seems to be a strong disconnect with mental health or disability services and the actual needs of the people (like me) reaching out to them. And I am definitely not the only one who feels this way. So I did in fact crawl back to Mass Rehab two days ago. Once again, I was playing the game. But it was because they are affiliated with NAMI, a non profit organization advocating for mental health (so they say). After the retail job two months ago that gave me flashbacks and felt like a repeated traumatic cycle of jobs I had in the past, I reached out to NAMI by phone, in hopes that they could point me in the right direction for leads that could help me live independently and maintain a job I am actually comfortable with as opposed to one I “can learn to be comfortable with”. They seemed nice and down to earth for the most part. I trusted them. They emailed me leads of housing services, a state run version of the SSDI benefits that I can apply for while my SSDI applications are still processing, and lastly, job placement services. Their number one suggestion (and only one to be honest) was Mass Rehab. If you remember in a post I wrote early last summer, I was feeling very triggered and disrespected in the orientation meeting and because of their low funding, I had to wait 2 months until I could potentially get a job counselor. So I walked out of the meeting. I’m glad I did. This time around, I felt I had nothing to lose so I went to that same meeting a couple days ago (they have one every week and it’s to give a group of ppl with a mental illness and/or disability looking for work). Needless to say I (we) was being talked down to, treated like we were incompetent by default and lastly, this son of a bitch running the meeting had the nerve to tell us that disclosure is risky and THEY can teach you how to disclose if you feel like you must.
Does this guy have a mental illness or disability? Hell no.
Do the people who run these organizations even generally have them?
I am sick of this shit. I have been through this a billion times before with job services in the past. We are not a burden and I am not answering to you guys if this is how you expect us to “behave”. I did NOT sign any forms but stayed the rest of the meeting this time to tell the person running it how I feel. When I did, I broke down into tears telling him how just this meeting is triggering. He told me that in order for me to get to where I wanna be in life, I have to “work on these feelings because if I am triggered just by a meeting it will be a hundred times more challenging in the workplace”.
That was it. This is it.
I am done with relying on these phony, capitalist, non relatable, toxic, pro-establishment, closet Trump supporting, hypocrites. I would like to start a bonfire and throw both of my NAMI shirts in it from that phony “stigma free” walk I participated in back in April.
I am doing my own thing and refuse to conform anymore to society’s expectations on how old you gotta be to live independently. Mental health matters and is not a marketing tool.
Fuck all of them.