DM Compiled Statement Pt 3

I feel that if the world I live in was like how twitter is for me I would be living the life I deserve to live ie independently. I just am done with worrying about what other people think. There are so many thoughts going through my head rn about people trying to calm me down over things I have every right to be upset about and it just makes my anger 100 times worse. This year I have had the constant pattern of fuming with anger inside and 20 minutes later it transforms into me balling my eyes out. It’s exhausting and what doesn’t help is when anyone says the slightest triggering thing that wouldn’t mean anything to anyone else (like just a simple ‘Sam you need to understand that…’) I go ballistic with thoughts of everyone treating me like the bad guy who doesn’t deserve the same voice as everyone else.
A couple weeks ago, I showed my mother the blogpost I put up a month ago about The MH Crisis Angels, expecting her to tell me how proud she is that I’m doing something like this. Instead she was quiet and the only thing she said in response was concerns about how we handle people who are suicidal. The previous night though, I shared with her that article I shared in the angels chat around that same time about the swedish girl protesting lack of action in climate change and she was all enthusiastic about it. I just keep having these feelings of being a double standard and that bc of who I am that the way I feel about things is stigmatized more than it would be for other people.
But even more than just my autism. Just me being me. I don’t know what it is about me that separates me from everyone else. Like when I was doing voice acting training with a toxic instructor 4 years ago she told me my “demeanor can be off putting to people”. And other times whenever I was trying to get help from counseling services they told me to smile more bc “the whole world smiles with you”. Only jobs I had were in retail. They just emphasized that statement in a very authority like matter like a drill sargent. So basically because I am honest and care about things, of course I am this angry, off putting, hate-fueled, “baby hitler”.
I just feel like my whole life has been based on me being the victim of double standards. I feel like there are plenty of people out there who have been through shit in their own lives too and are not all happy-go-lucky and yet they get constant validation from everyone. I am not looking for sympathy. I just want equal respect without people treating me like I am being unreasonable whenever I say that. The status quo is basically it and because my problems aren’t mainstream enough, they don’t count.

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