Falling Once Again And Getting Back Up Once Again (Orig. Published July 19th, 2018)

It’s been a while since I posted anything on here. Honestly, I have been so focused on job searches and preparing for a specific job that I had a very good interview for a week ago. But let me tell you the story from the beginning.

The day after I wrote my last blog post (Tweet Compilation 3 doesn’t count, although it alludes to this) I had my first job interview this year at a massage studio. I know, me at a massage studio. Crazy right? Well basically I was searching through Indeed.com specifically for front-desk jobs that prefer customer service experience but are not as heavy loaded as the customer service I had experience with in the past. And a few local massage studios with part-time openings for this came up. I applied to them. Later that same day I was called back from their offices and scheduled an interview at one of the places for the next day and another interview at another place the day after. I went through with what I said I would do. I disclosed. And I’m glad I did. They were very impressed with how real I was and while the second place had just filled the positions shortly after my interview was scheduled, they said they still wanted to meet with me anyway because they could tell I could do the job. They said I sounded great on the phone. Laid back and very natural with answering questions and asking questions on the spot. That made me feel really good even if the second place couldn’t hire me at that time. As for the first interview the day before, it was incredibly promising. It felt like the perfect match. Not only would I be checking in clients and scheduling appointments, but I would be using my down-time to market their business online as they are very small and desperately want to expand and branch out. The woman who interviewed me scheduled me for a follow-up call a few days later where I give a few ideas on marketing techniques that would benefit their brand. When I had that phone interview, that really went great as well. So then, she scheduled me for Thursday (which was today) to start just for a couple hours to do a hands-on tutorial and see if I’m comfortable with the expectations.

Well now that I got all of the context out of the way, I will let you know that while I am typing this the evening after that tutorial shift, I remain unemployed. It was a complete disaster. There were no hard feelings from her (the boss), but the multi-tasking on the spot and fast learning was WAYYY to overwhelming for me. I didn’t know what I was getting into. The minute I sat down in the smaller “trainee” chair, I already could feel my heart beating faster and my arms could not stop shaking. When I was being tested on scheduling and re-scheduling appointments on the computer, I couldn’t type fast without making several spelling mistakes that I had to go back and correct. When the phone rang, I was beyond nervous even though I was constantly being reassured that the clients are laid back and there’s nothing to be nervous about. But I still stumbled on my words and procedures that I was taught for the general formula for booking appointments over the phone. I was told to put the phone on hold a number of times so she could simply tell me what to say or she just took the phone and did everything else instead. It felt terrible, but I still kept reminding myself that I will get better at it with repetition. Unfortunately, they didn’t have time for constant repetition before I got it down right. They don’t have a lot of staff and need someone who is on it as early as the first day. The way I felt when the introductory shift was over was flustered beyond belief. I would compare the tension in my body to the extremes I felt on the worst days of my previous jobs where I couldn’t take the pressure anymore. This time I was feeling this on the first day. But unlike the previous times where for the sake of “having a job” and I would just “suck it up”, I instead told her this isn’t going to work out and I am not comfortable here. Thankfully she understood and was very validating. She told me I can pick up my check as early as tomorrow and even gave me a coupon with a huge discount in case I ever wanted to come in and get a massage. So I’m thankful for her being so considerate.

This doesn’t make me a quitter or anything like that. This is me being smart and putting my mental health first. While I was very vulnerable when taking the train/bus back home (I was so close to actually crying like crazy on the train) I know when I got home that this isn’t over and I will still keep applying for jobs constantly knowing I have what it takes. I just need to be in the right environment and have a less hectic and crucial training period. I will never give up and will continue to fight these demons inside that try to hold me down and tell me I ain’t shit. I know these circumstances are not my fault. I say that all the time in this blog and that will always be true. I WILL get out of here soon and live my life the way it was meant to be lived years ago. I will not let the causes of my traumatic setbacks win. I got this.

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