Today Vs. 3-4 Months Ago…

I’m sure you are all well aware how much I do not tolerate tone policing in any form. And that’s why I need to make something very clear. When I started this blog a few months ago, I was in a very different state of mind and felt like I was and had nothing. I didn’t know where to turn. I wanted to get my life back in order but didn’t know how to begin. The reason why I am saying this is because I have been thinking about my older posts. Like the first 20-30 posts I did throughout late March and all of April. And that includes those videos, specially that 10+ minute video I did talking to the camera without any preparation or script because I believe in keeping it 100% real. Those posts reflected the very early stages of me breaking out of my numb shell emotionally. It was the most difficult. And while I still have some fight or flight moments now, it was like that every day back in April where I was constantly calling the office of my psychiatrist trying to get her on the phone as soon as possible. I was an emotional wreck. And my attitude reflected that.
Having said that, while my writing was a lot more aggressive and all over the place, it is very important they stay the way they are. The whole purpose of my blog is about not wearing a mask and being real, unfiltered and uncompromising in a neurotypical and/or stigmatizing society that looks down on people with a disability and/or mental illness. My anger was justified and had to be expressed the way it did to get me into the state I am now. Shit has to be aired out before you can go any further and I look back at a couple months ago and am very glad I was able to do that. I couldn’t have done it a year ago or pretty much any year since 2008. A lot has changed in that time but I pretty much stayed the same for all those years until now. So in closing, if you are new to my blog and are reading from my earliest post to the present, don’t judge me or misinterpret who I am as a whole from my first couple dozen posts. While there is nothing wrong with them, everyone interprets things differently and needs full context to understand where someone is coming from. But since this blog follows my mental recovery with each event being a new post, it is necessary that nothing gets changed. I don’t regret anything I said nor should I. It was all valid. I just happened to be in a darker place at the time. But some of the best creations are made when a writer, artist or musician is incredibly unhappy. Honestly I’ll take that over work that’s bland, preachy and just plain boring.

2 thoughts on “Today Vs. 3-4 Months Ago…

  1. Awesome! I am a great believer in always being true to your authentic self, documenting your journey when you are unwell shows you and other people how much you can grow and heal from your experiences- that is very inspiring!
    xx kate

    Liked by 1 person

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