There is something I have started noticing physically when my depression was beginning to go into the recovery stage it is still in now. In case any readers of this blog are not aware, I started writing this blog once I saw the first signs of this new stage and I hope I don’t have to remind everyone how painful it felt at the time. But aside from the mental awakening I experienced (finally realizing how much of my life was taken from me because of my numb depression), over time I began to experience and notice little things physically that I hadn’t really recognized since I was a teenager. Simple things like noticing the pleasant effects of the breeze in the air, having tons of energy and WANTING to be active (I was outside at my local track three times today and walked three miles to Cambridge, MA today as well) which was something I always enjoyed back in high school. When I was numb, I didn’t enjoy anything but tried to force myself to enjoy things I used to love. It was exhausting. It almost got to the point where I was having anxiety attacks just trying to focus on a movie I used to love watching all the way through. Also, when it came to listening to my music, I would be numb to what ever song was playing. If I was listening to a mix or an album, my mind would drift into nothingness and I would not even remember or be aware of the song that just ended. And my ears couldn’t even pick up the obvious stereo and panning in my earbuds. This is just a reminder to everyone that having a mental condition can affect the body just as bad if not worse for some people. While I did have a post a long while back about feeling like my old self after being treated for bipolar, I wasn’t too specific about what I was taking for granted for years prior to this late diagnosis. You don’t really notice the things you missed until you are reacquainted with them after years of being apart. In this case, for years I was walking around with my eyes closed (or to quote the rapper Scarface, wearing a blindfold while staring at the world with my motherfucking eyes closed) and didn’t know it. It was even hard for me to breathe and I was retaining a lot of fat that I just couldn’t get rid of. While I am still in the long process of losing weight, my digestion and overall exercise habits have increased rapidly in the past month. But this is what happens when you gradually get your energy back. Only you can get to that point. Nobody can just tell you to “snap out of it” and tell you to eat better and exercise more if your mind and body are in a terrible, uncontrollable place. You can only do what you can in that situation, but as time goes on and you get the right kind of inspiration to change your whole general outlook on things (which is basically what happened to me this year) you WILL be able to snatch that fighting spirit back in you and reclaim what your depression stole from you, Little by little, but the more old feelings you get back, the more alive you will feel everyday. Mental health and physical health ARE connected and if one goes astray, both of them are in trouble.