The Mask Is Off Permanently

Back in high school, I was in a couple of plays. My performances were phenomenal and everyone showered me with compliments and made me feel very good about myself. It was then that I knew (or thought) that I made the right choice in applying for a college that specialized in theater, which would be my major. I got accepted into that school. And as you might remember from my very first post in March, college overall was more negative than positive. But what I didn’t mention were the plays I was in during college. Unlike high school, I was given a bunch of fall guy/loser/ugly/villain roles and was told by the director time and time again that it isn’t because I am this character, but because I play it so well. Well…there’s gotta be SOMETHING about me that makes you want to typecast me like this! At the same time, I was hanging out on campus with fake friends who did nothing but insult me and make me try to accept that I was “ugly”. So of course to play these roles at the same exact time did NOT do my self esteem any favors. As we fast forward to the present, I don’t give a fuck about theater or any superficial occupation anymore, and I only care about people being proud of who they are and shoving that in the faces of the verbal abusers they had to deal with (and were forced to deal with from the directors/professors, seriously, fuck that college). So now that I am blogging constantly, being honest about my life in a very candid way (being an “easy target” for trolls and I don’t care) while the whole country is putting body shaming and abuse 6 feet underground, I am totally comfortable in my own skin. I will continue to post selfie vlog type videos every now and then with no airbrushing effects because I love myself. Not a punchline like “I love Kanye the way Kanye loves Kanye” but in complete seriousness. Masking and portraying someone you’re not will get you nowhere. I have spent too much time being a real-life actor 24/7 by playing a role pretty much everyone could see right through. To that I say No More.

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