Everyone Has A Voice

This is something I have been screaming all week. The louder I get is a reaction to feeling like my voice doesn’t count. That it is okay to judge people like me or anyone with a lesser known disability and/or one everyone thinks is not a big deal. Yesterday I had a meeting with my psychiatrist again. It was scheduled to be a very serious meeting because after the ER visit on Tuesday, it was very clear to everyone (and it’s been clear to me forever) that I am suffering from not just Aspergers, but biplor disorder and post traumatic stress disorder. The social worker that I mentioned in the ER post gave me two print-outs. One was a peer-to-peer network for children and adults with learning disabilities, anxiety etc. And that I could easily join and maybe even get a job as a peer counselor, one who is on the spectrum and knows all about that shit already. The other printout was for local housing options in the state for people eligible to collect SSDI.
So getting back to my psychiatrist yesterday. She told me that since she is FINALLY convinced I am bipolar with PTSD, that NOW I would qualify for change in treatment but also SSDI. Now to me that’s really fucked up. So Aspergers isn’t good enough for you guys? I know I have these more “mainstream” mental disorders now but if I didn’t, they would write me off? So as a result, I am very thrilled about what will soon happen with me, but very disappointed once again with how the system treats us and neglects us. And from what I have been reading lately, it is even worse in countries like Australia. But anyway, the point I am trying to make is that whether outsiders agree or not, we are stigmatized by society and we ARE treated by many as the losing side to a double standard. It’s like some “I’m not racist” type of clown saying, “I love and respect all cultures and ethnicities worldwide!!!…except the French” Aspergers and Autism in general IS considered more of a punchline in TV shows (like The Big Bang Theory) or an afterthought when put against what are equal forms of discrimination along with unjust treatment of others who are not PHYSICALLY disabled, or better treatment to those who have a more well-known mental illness like bipolar which is acceptable because celebrities are constantly coming out as having it and getting swarms of fans being sympathetic. I’m not hating. But what I went through with Aspergers alone (not so ironically leading up to the PTSD) should be taken just as seriously because it IS horrific but the stuff those teachers did to me continues to happen in other schools and society just accepts it. They always treat us like we are the ones who initiate violence when in my case and what I witnessed from my fellow students, it was ALWAYS a reaction to being threatened and defending ourselves. We weren’t angry. We deserved to be but if you went through one day without being restrained due to fake politeness and kissing ass, you would be overjoyed and no one should have to feel that way under those circumstances.
If anyone has felt massive trauma from experiencing what the life of an Aspie is like back in the early days of the phenomenon, speak up immediately because none of that was your fault. Get angry. Find an avenue and platform to demand you be heard. Get people to back you up. And then, the current abusers still getting away with these things WILL be held accountable. With all of these movements going on, there is no reason why we shouldn’t deserve to change things for our circle as well and our future kids. We may take meds (most of us anyway) but that doesn’t make statements WE make less valid or sincere. I have been speaking from the heart this whole past month and people are gradually starting to get me a little more. Step by step I guess.

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