That last post and the long one from a couple days ago everyone is drooling over…may be “positive” but DO NOT get it twisted. I am still not okay. I WILL NOT be okay until I am in an independent but overly supportive environment 24/7 which most people I am constantly surrounded by take for granted. My circumstances are NOT my fault. I may feel bad for being numb for 10 years of deep depression, and may feel very guilty for that dumb thing I did in college, but EXCUSE ME for being a human being and being regretful. But it’s not like I am blaming myself for everything else though. And believe me, there is hundreds of thousands worth of “everything else”. I am not over this depression. I am fighting it off but if I really was over it, I would make it clear word for word in all caps. Medication is not the problem here (it IS a problem but for different reasons) and neither is my logic. It is being isolated and having zero genuinely emotional support from my environment. My only emotional support comes from other environments via email and advocacy groups on Twitter.
Long story short, if I have to rely on collecting disability to simply be provided housing, I am beyond willing to do that. Whatever it takes. I am still waiting on confirmation for my first appointment from a CBT therapist who I constantly hear nothing but good things about, but even that is scheduled for over a week away. This is crucial. This isn’t going away. In the long run, I will be able to live life to the fullest after years of not being able to. But until I officially reach that finish line, I simply want everyone to NOT reason with me and to NOT tell me to look at things logically and in perspective. That’s exactly what I am finally doing, but if you were not used to something because you were away from it for so long, saying you would be overwhelmed and saying that is an understatement…would be an even BIGGER understatement. No more talking. Just listen and SHOW me you listened. This demand is not out of line.
I had to post this first before the one about age because I cannot afford to give people a false impression just over some occasional “positivity”.